I remember it was a Friday when Tatay and I secretly went to the mall to pick out the birthday gift. If my memory doesn’t fail me, it was the only time we did that. We each picked one blouse for her. I can still remember the one I got her–a flowy floral brown top. In my 11-year-old mind, I thought it was perfect, and it really was when she finally got to wear it to Church. I was so proud of myself whenever she would wear it to special occasions.
It was the perfect gift I was able to give her. Little did I know, it was the last.
They said that grief doesn’t go away. The intensity of it just changes from time to time. It’s true. There was never a time that I didn’t struggle to stop a tear from falling whenever I remember her. Never.
The pain is still there. I know now it would never go away. I also know, though, that the same pain that most of the time envelopes me with sadness is what makes me stronger and better as my Number One Angel continues to shower me with guidance and love.
You are dearly missed until the time I can run into your loving arms and hear you call me “Naning” again.
In the mean time, I’m sending you kisses while you watch over me from one of those beautiful clouds up there.
Happy birthday, Nanay!