Zombietches in EK: The Podcast (That is Not Really)

So we went to Enchanted Kingdom to celebrate Jan Marc’s birthday. And these things transpired, in no particular order.

On the way to Market! Market! (na kailangan talagang may exclamation points!), Jan Marc called asking where we are because he’s already waiting at the parking lot.
Jan Marc: Hey, where are you?
Arlene: We’re on our way na. Margaret, nasaan tayo?
Margaret: Nasa may billboard ni Angel Locsin.
Arlene: Si Angel Locsin ba ‘yan? Hindi naman yata.
Margaret: Ah, hindi ba? Basta papunta na kami.
Arlene: Nasa tulay na kami. Pasig River.
Margaret: Hindi Pasig River ‘yan. Marikina River yata.
Arlene: Eh, nasa Pasig na tayo, ‘di ba? So Pasig River ‘yan.
Jan Marc: [beep]
Arlene: Ay, binabaan tayo.

At the parking lot, as Margaret is parking the greatest parking of her life, so it seems.
Jan Marc: Do you realize you were driving on the wrong way back there?
Margaret: I know! Parking lot naman ‘to, eh. Wala namang MMDA.
Arlene: Margaret was so confident and cocky finding a parking slot until you came along.

Going out the parking lot, in Jan Marc’s car.
Jan Marc: (to the car in front of us) Ano ba ‘yan?! Antagal naman! Walang pambayad!
Margaret: Oh, my gahd. You’re so bad.
Arlene: That’s what he gets in playing online games.
Jan Marc: Yah, I get too violent.
(to Ate Parking Cashier) Walang pambayad ‘yun, no? Antagal-tagal.

At McDonald’s, whining about the sloooooow service despite having a lot of staff.
Arlene: Ambagal nila, ‘no?
Margaret: Oo nga, sa Makati hindi naman ganyan.
Jan Marc: Pero andami-dami naman nila. Bukas na ‘yung Enchanted Kingdom, nandito pa tayo.

After eating a very healthy brunch of fries and burgers.
Margaret: Gutom pa ako. Can we buy food when we get to EK?

At the toll gate…
Jan Marc: (to the car in front of us, again) Wala na namang pambayad ‘to! Antagal-tagal!
Margaret: Oh my gahd. Ang sama mo.
Arlene: You know what, Margaret? ‘Yung combined good points natin, nauubos ng bad points n’ya.

At the Enchanted Kingdom entrance…
Margaret: Let’s ride that! Ano’ng pangalan ng Nanay mo?!
Jan Marc: Myr-nuuuuuuuuh! The Myrna Ride!
Arlene: Please no judging if I don’t ride all the rides you want to ride.

In Enchanted Kingdom, finally…
Jan Marc: I hate this. It’s so hot! And so many J People!
Arlene: Eh summer kaya. Sino ba nakaisip nito?! How much did you pay to get in?
Jan Marc: None.
Margaret: Don’t complain.

At the Rialto line.
Margaret: Can we buy food?

After lining up for Rialto and finally got in.
Jan Marc: This better be worth the time we spent under the freaking sun.
Arlene: How long is this? One hour? Can we let people ahead of us for like an hour para nandito lang tayo sa aircon?

After experiencing the Rialto’s sorry excuse for a 3D ride.
Jan Marc: That was it? What was that?!
Bading sa Tabi Namin (in a more exaggerated disgust): Oh my god! That was it?! Such a waste of our fucking time!
Margaret: Let us go back to the line and warn the people.
Jan Marc: Yes, we should. It is not worth it, people!

At the souvenir shop to get Jan Marc a change shirt.
Jan Marc: Help me find a shirt.
Arlene: O, Margaret. Help your boyfriend find a shirt daw.
Margaret: We are all conceited at one point, no?

At some point while wandering around.
Margaret: Can we buy food?

Before the Wheel of Fate ride.
Margaret: Wala magi-spin habang umaandar, ha?
Jan Marc: Yes, no spinning.
Arlene: Frienship Over ang mag-spin.

While queuing for the Rio Grande Rapids.
Margaret: This kid is annoying! (pertaining to the kid at her back)
Arlene: Switch places with Jan Marc, dali!

While queuing for the Rio Grande Rapids… still.
Jan Marc: This kid is annoying!

While waiting for the rubber raft at the Rio Grande Rapids, where we got in via the “express” lane, which is a fucked-up system, really. Go there to find out why for yourselves.
Ate Attendant: Dalawa?
Us, three: Tatlo kami, Ate.
Dalawang Guys sa Likod: Kami!

Jan Marc: Couple. Hashtag alam na. Ayan, o, gusto pang magkatabi sila!

During the Rio Grande Rapids ride.
Arlene: Oh my gahd! Basa na ako.
Margaret: Upuan pa lang basa na!
Jan Marc: Oh my gahd! Huwag kami! Huwag kami!
Arlene: Shit! Waaaaah!
Jan Marc: Fuck! My falls! Huwag kami. Sila naman!
Margaret: Oh my gahd! ‘Yung bag ko!
Jan Marc: Tangina. Bakit ‘yung mga lumalabas kanina hindi naman basa?!

At the “magic drying station”…
Arlene: One hundred fucking fifty pesos??! This better work!
Jan Marc: I wasn’t expecting to get so wet like this!
Margaret: I told you we’d get wet!
Jan Marc: But not this wet! Pati underwear talaga?!
Arlene: I have to buy shorts and tsinelas. Ang gastos ng birthday mo.
Jan Marc: Only because we got wet!
Arlene: But it was fun!
Jan Marc: Yah, it was fun! But we got wet!

On the way to the parking lot to get our change shirts.
Batang Nagtitinda ng Espasol: Ate, bili ka.
Arlene: May shorts ka ba dyan? ‘Yun bibilhin ko.

While lining up for the Air Race.
Jan Marc: Parang binabalahura ka lang, o. We have to ride this, Margaret!
Margaret: Arl, may bata. You have to ride this!
Arlene: No way. Ayokong mabalahura.

On the way out.
Jan Marc: Let’s go. Let’s eat on the way.
Margaret: Chowking! That Milky White Halo-halo!

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